


Secrets and Confession

by Yubsie



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-18
Updated: 2012-10-18
Packaged: 2017-11-16 13:16:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/539831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yubsie/pseuds/Yubsie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Afraid to tell her family that she has cancer in the aftermath of the attack on the colonies, Laura turns to Bill for support.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets and Confession

**Author's Note:**

> A Secret Santa gift for triplesnap, who requested A/R fic, preferably an AU where Laura's family was still alive.
> 
> Big thanks to non_horation for a quick beta job. Which included such gems as "You missed a placeholder".
> 
> Finally, thank you to i_paint_the_sky for discussions that made this prompt actually work for me.

"I'm afraid the tests are positive. The mass is malignant."

Laura sat in silence as the doctor gave her the news. How was she ever going to break this to her family? It hadn’t been all _that_ long since mother died. And to tell them she now had the same disease? They would be devastated.

She barely heard the rest of what the doctor had to say. Everything after the word "malignant" didn’t really matter anyway. She knew where things would go from there. She'd seen it all happen just a few short years ago, with her mother. How could she put her family through that _again_?

At least she had until they returned from Canceron to figure it out. That’s why she had scheduled this appointment when she did. The decommissioning ceremony and the museum preparations simply didn’t allow her to accompany her family on vacation. They didn’t have to know yet. Maybe by the time they arrived tomorrow she would have it figured out.

***

They never did get back to Caprica. Laura had earnestly wished to have the worry about telling her family back in the aftermath of the attacks. At least there would have been someone to not want to tell.

For five days she scarcely had time to think about it. Jumping every thirty three minutes, trying to stay one step ahead of the Cylons, there was nothing to think about except for the _current_ crisis. And then the _Olympic Carrier_. It was probably better they never had to know about that either.

"Madam President?" Billy's voice shook her from her reverie. She shouldn’t have been letting her mind drift like that anyway. Too much to do.

"Yes?"

Billy shuffled through the ample stack of papers he was carrying. She wondered where he was managing to find it all, under the circumstances. It was definitely more than just a quick update to the headcount. That was a relief, honestly. There had been the one birth, but it still tended to move all in one direction. "We've been trying to carry out a more detailed census of the civilian population, find out what vital skills are still available. You didn't tell me your family was travelling on the _Chrion_."

"My family?" Laura repeated softly. She'd been hoping he was about to tell her that he'd found a doctor like she'd asked him to keep an eye out for. This was more than she'd dreamed of.

"Edward Roslin, his daughters Sandra and Cheryl and grandson Jeremy, right?"

"That's them," she confirmed. All that loss, and somehow her family had come through. She was apparently one of the luckier people left alive.

"Shall I arrange for you to see them?"

"Yes. Yes, definitely.: It was such a relief to know they were alive after all, it could almost distract her from the fact that she would have to tell them that the same most likely wouldn't be true for her in a few months' time.

***

Billy worked quickly, Laura had to give him that. When she returned from her last meeting the next day, she found her family waiting for her. She rushed to them, embracing each in turn. "I’m sorry this took so long."

Cheryl giggled. "Laura, we _understand_ , you've been a little bit busy."

"You're really the president, Aunt Laura?" Jeremy’s disbelief mirrored Laura's own feelings when she had first heard the news.

"Yes, I am." It wasn't something she'd ever considered. But there it was. She hadn't really had the opportunity to contemplate it all. She was too busy having to be the president.

"That's so cool!"

Laura just smiled at the boy. She didn't think it was particularly cool, but with the past few days, there was no reason to quell Jeremy's enthusiasm. There was little enough to get excited about. Especially with the news she knew was coming. That was going to put a damper on the conversation no matter what.

Her father was watching her, maybe a little too closely. Years of politics had made her adept at hiding what she was thinking, but her father had known her since before that. She wasn't sure how much she could keep from him. "Are you feeling okay?"

There it was. Of course she wasn't feeling okay. But she wasn't ready to explain why. Not yet, anyway. She wanted to let them be happy for a little while. "Just tired. All this—" she gestured at the work piled up wherever there was a flat surface "—isn’t exactly conducive to a good night sleep."

"You need to take care of yourself. Can't have you keeling over from exhaustion even if you are the president." Well now he sounded like the doctor, back on Caprica. Lecturing her about looking out for her health. A little late for that. Though now that there was no doctor to lecture her… she really did need to do something about that.

"I know, Dad. I'm trying to get it all under control."

***

Step one of getting it all under control was to ask the Commander if there was a ship's doctor on _Galactica_. The conversation had begun innocuously enough, talk of Fleet business turning to Adama noting that he was pleased to hear that her family had survived after all.

Laura hoped that he wouldn't question why that topic had led to her asking about the medical facilities. "Nothing major, just allergies."

She liked that line. Maybe if the Commander actually bought it she could use it on her family. Though they might question the sudden emergence of allergies in such a sterile environment. Maybe she could claim it was to the preservative added to food to make it last on extended space journeys. That sounded like it could be plausible. The world had just ended barely two weeks ago. Telling them that she was dying could wait a little while longer.

***

Despite her strong desire to spend as much time with her family as possible while she still could, Laura found actually translating that into reality a lot more challenging. Between visits to Dr. Cottle, attempts to set up a new Quorum of Twelve and the ever present crises, there just weren't enough hours in the day. Such as a day was without a sun to determine it.

Still, Laura treasured the moments she could catch. Even when her sisters were being… her sisters.

"Laura, I can't help noticing you're spending an _awful_ lot of time on _Galactica_ ," Sandra said.

"Well, communication between the civilian government and the military is important. We need to keep the Fleet on track."

"That explains the meetings. But you've definitely been there a lot of other times too."

Laura froze. Had they realized it? Surely she hadn’t given them any reason to suspect. She'd been very careful to time her chamalla doses so she was unlikely to start having visions when her family was watching. That would be difficult to explain.

"Sooo…" Cheryl drew the word out into six or seven syllables as only she could. "Who is it?"

Laura raised an eyebrow. "Who is it?"

"Don’t play dumb with me, Laura. You're obviously seeing someone over there. So who is it?"

"The Commander?" Sandra suggested. Laura almost laughed at that. They saw enough of each other in meetings. They were trying to establish a viable working relationship, but they so seldom saw eye to eye that the suggested seemed absurd. She was developing a certain respect for him, but it was never going to be more than that.

"Well, what about Gaius Baltar then?"

Laura visibly grimaced at that. The very thought. "I'd rather not catch a sampling of every surviving venereal disease." Cancer was enough of a problem, but she wasn't about to mention that.

"Ooh! Ooh! One of those handsome young pilots!" Typical Cheryl.

"Come on Laura, we're your sisters, you can tell us these things!"

She wished it was a case of sneaking over to _Galactica_ to meet with a paramour. That she actually _could_ tell them. Much more easily than the truth. "I'm not heading over there for some sort of torrid affair."

"So can I have my pick of the handsome young pilots?"

"Cheryl, they wouldn’t know what hit them."

***

Laura was half sick of shadows. It was starting to feel like all she ever did was lie to her family. The cancer lie, the Earth lie, the everything is under control lie. The only true things she ever told them were what she _wasn't_ sneaking around doing. She hated having to sneak around them at all, but every time she thought about telling them, she couldn't find the words. There were already enough troubles for everyone in the Fleet without adding to them.

She just wanted something clear and honest in her life. Her family provided a reprieve from all the politics but it was still not completely in the clear.

That was why she found herself lingering in the Commander's quarters after they had finished with their official business. "I wanted to tell you how much I’ve been enjoying _Dark Day_."

Adama smiled at her, a look she was not accustomed to seeing on him. It was a definite improvement. "I thought you would, when you said you like mysteries. No one crafts them quite like Prima."

"Yes, I can see that. I only wish I had more time to read it, I can't wait to find out how it all plays out."

"I'm almost afraid to say anything to you; I don't want to give even the smallest detail away."

"We'll have to talk some more after I finish it."

Really, it was only natural that he assumed that was why she lingered the next time. It was comforting to know that most people didn't realize she was concealing anything at all. Maybe she really was still fooling her family.

She twisted her water glass in her hand, trying to figure out how to broach the subject. Practice, she supposed, for when she did finally tell her family. "I've kept my word that I wouldn’t tell anyone the truth about Earth."

Adama's eyes narrowed. That hadn't come out quite how she wanted. A rarity for her of late. "I'm not sure I like where this is going."

"Can I rely on you for a similar measure of discretion?"

"As long as it's not a matter of Fleet security, Madam President." She should have expected that from the Commander.

"No, nothing like that," Laura assured him. "It’s really quite personal, actually. I just felt like I needed to talk to _someone_ about it." Someone she could talk to on a different level than Billy. He meant well, but he was so young and eager, she didn't want to overburden him. She was afraid of crushing that more than the universe had already set out to do.

"Personal? Isn't that the sort of thing women usually discuss with their sisters?"

Well there was the whole problem she was facing. "Usually. They have enough on their minds though." She kept her eyes away from his, trying to work up the courage to come out and say it. And Adama, he just waited patiently for her to find the words. That of itself convinced her that she was right to tell him.

Finally, she decided it was best to just _say_ it. "I have cancer."

The expression of shock that crossed Adama's face was surprising to Laura. He had always been so stoic before beyond the occasional glimpse of something else. But never about her. "Cancer?"

She nodded, a bizarre calm falling over her. She hadn’t expected to get so much relief out of just telling him. "Breast cancer. I found out just before the attack. That's why I wanted to see your ship's doctor.

"Was Major Cottle able to help you?"

"We've discussed a course of treatment." Laura needed someone to talk to about this, but she wasn't sure she really wanted to go into the exact details of her treatments. "I intend to fight this, but the prognosis… isn't good."

"Is that why you're telling me and not your sisters?"

She'd only known the man for a few weeks. How was it possible for him to know her this well already? "I want to leave them what happiness I can for the time being."

"You intend to keep this from the Fleet indefinitely, don't you?"

"You said yourself that they need something to hope for. I have no intention of revealing information that would only serve to erode that."

"And how are _you_ holding up, Mada…" Adama paused for a moment before deciding on "Laura?"

She gave him a slight smile at his decision to use her first name. What she really needed right now was someone she could connect to as an individual without worrying about crushing. "It helps to have someone to talk to… Bill."

***

"You’re _sure_ it’s not the Commander?" Sandra had been really quite unwilling to give up that particular line of questioning. She’d started asking as soon as Jeremy was out of earshot.  
"I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I’m not seeing _anyone_."

"Your meetings over there have gotten awfully long though," Cheryl insisted.

"How do you even know that?" It occurred to Laura a bit too late that she might be bluffing. She wasn’t supposed to fall for such things.

"Your handsome shuttle pilot mentioned it. I don’t know what you were thinking passing him up, by the way."

Laura shook her head. At least she hadn't fallen into an obvious trap. "Because I'm busy enough without throwing romance into the mix."

"One of those marines then? They're right there, and really rather fit."

"They're _professionals_ , Cheryl. They're on duty when I'm around." The thought hadn't even crossed Laura’s mind. Though she was sure if given the chance Cheryl would say something rather unsisterly about bodies and guards.

"Oh you and your duty, not a bit of fun."

"I still say she's having plenty of fun with the Commander." Just when she thought Sandra had stopped paying attention, not being interested in the young things that Cheryl so enjoyed. Or anyone for herself beside her own husband. Laura's love life apparently remained fair game though.

She decided it was time to try a different tactic. "I'm told the _Zephyr_ has a school up and running now. Is Jeremy settling in well?"

Distraction seemed to work for now and the Commander wasn't mentioned again for the rest of the evening.

***

Laura wasn't sure why she was feeling leather beneath her. This wasn't her cot on _Colonial One_ at all. As she opened her eyes, she remembered that she'd been feeling unsteady on her feet and gone to lie down in Bill's quarters. Always the gentleman, that one.

The man himself came into view, carrying a pile of reports. "Oh, you're awake. I'll order some tea up from the galley."

She sat up carefully, hoping the worst of the dizziness from the latest chamalla dose had passed. "Thank you again for the use of your couch."

"I told you you're welcome to the bed if that suits you better."

Laura stifled a giggle at that. Surely he didn't realize how that sounded… right? It had to just be Cheryl's influence. "Really, the couch is fine."

Bill called for the tea before sitting down next to her on the couch. Since she revealed her condition, he had made every effort to look after her. It could get vaguely irritating by times, but mostly it was a relief to not be the one doing the worrying for a change. And he had been true to his word about discretion. Though she had already come to expect that of him.

"I don't think I told you my mother died of this."

She knew she didn't have to tell him what "this" was. It was always there, hanging over them even when it wasn't the active topic of conversation. Bill hesitated the briefest moment before taking her hands in his own. It wasn't something most people ever saw him do, but it was definitely hesitation. Needless, really, since she appreciated the gesture. It helped her to continue. "She fought it for two years. Doloxan, radiation, the works." All the same treatments Cottle had tried to steer her towards. The ones she desperately wanted an alternative to. "We… watched her waste away from it, dying little by little. Until there was finally nothing left."

She turned her face away from Bill, trying not to cry. They had reached an understanding recently, but that didn't mean they were at the point of crying in front of each other. Bill though, he never looked away and never let go of her hands. "How long ago was all of this?"

Not long enough. Time hadn’t had a chance to try to heal the wound. Not to the point that she could be inflicting another one, at any rate. 

"That's why you don't want to tell them, isn't it?"

Laura nodded, trying to compose herself. "We were all still recovering. And then the attacks… they're still trying to pick themselves up, how can I go and knock them back down?"

"Laura, have you thought they might notice something is wrong?"

"Well, of course something is wrong. Something is always wrong. If it's not the Cylons, it's the civilians. And if it's not them, the inanimate objects start to go wrong. If I seem tired I don't think anyone will doubt that I come by it honestly."

"Laura." Bill grimaced, as if contemplating something particularly unpleasant. "You're having a hard enough time of it as it is. _If_ you get worse, that's going to be hard to cover up." Not many people knew that she was sick, but out of them Bill was the only one who would actually use _if_ in this situation. "Can you imagine watching what happened to your mother without ever knowing what was wrong? That's going to worry them even more. Don't they deserve better?"

Of course they deserved better. That had never been in doubt here. Merely her own ability to inflict the immediate pain of knowing. The pain of not knowing was worse, but it was easier to deflect. It was easier to worry a little than to actually go in and see the doctor, let him do the tests that led to the words she didn't want to hear. "I know. But how do I say it, with Mom still fresh in their minds? I don’t want to crush them."

"The longer you wait, the worse it's going to be. Do you really want them to hear from Cottle because you're too far gone to do it yourself?" He paused, as if considering a different approach. "Wouldn't it be better to not have to worry about them finding out? Save your strength for fighting the cancer?"

It was amazing, how Bill already had a sense of what arguments would get through to her. The first approach had gone a long way towards convincing her. The rest… she wasn't sure it was even supposed to be an appeal to her. It was more genuine concern. "You're right." Not words that came easily, but still true. "I should tell them when I see them tonight."

"If you need someone in your corner, I can come with you."

Laura seriously considered the offer. She was coming to greatly appreciate the presence of the Commander in her life. Far from what she had initially assumed, he'd proven to be a caring and compassionate ally. Friend. But did she really want him there for this? She was sure he would be nothing but supportive, but he was an outsider to the family. It needed to be a very private moment. And she didn't really want to explain that she had told an outsider before she told them, whatever her reasons were. Besides, with Sandra's ideas, Bill would distract from the subject at hand. Which… she wanted but she knew it wasn't a smart move. "Thank you, but I should take care of this on my own."

"I understand."

Somehow, she really did believe that.

***

Bill walked her back to the shuttle, squeezing her hand and wishing her luck just outside the pilot's field of view. She was restless the entire way back, trying hard not to fidget in a decidedly unpresidential manner.

Her family was already waiting in the curtained off space that passed for her quarters. They usually were, when her schedule allowed it. It was difficult enough to find the time for them, as much as she wanted to. 

"Another long meeting on _Galactica_?" Sandra left it at that, probably because their father and Jeremy were present. All the teasing was really implied, though. Laura almost hated to ruin it.

She took a seat, encouraging the others to do the same. "It's time I finally come clean about what's really been happening during those long meetings."

Cheryl raised an eyebrow and then quickly lowered it when Laura’s face made it clear that she was _not_ about to confess anything scandalous.

"I didn't know how to tell you this, but it has become apparent that avoiding the problem is not going to make it go away. I have been going to _Galactica_ to see the ship's doctor." She took a deep breath. After all that time considering, she'd finally realized there was no good way to break the news. She would have to just tell them, like she had with Bill. "Because I have cancer."

Jeremy quietly asked "Like Grandma?" as Laura's father rose from his seat and wrapped his arms around her. "Why didn't you say so sooner?"

Laura hugged her father back, wondering why she had passed this up for so long. Her resolve to get through this without crying was starting to slip. "Dad, I couldn't. Not so soon after Mom. And then everything else."

Sandra shook her head. "You were trying to _protect_ us?"

Her father's arms tightened around her. "Sweetie, I still miss your mother, but that doesn't mean I would ever want you to go through all this alone."

"I mean, I'm not exactly _excited_ , but we don't break," Cheryl said.

"Thank you," Laura said, barely above a whisper. She was still sure it was going to hit them hard as things got worse, but this conversation wasn't going nearly as badly as she'd dreaded. And it was good not to have to guard herself for the first time since the end of the world.

***

Bill called later that night, as she was settling in for what promised to be the least troubled night's sleep she'd had in a long time. She still had worries enough to last _any_ lifetime, but every bit she could relieve made a difference.

"How did it go?" Bill asked without preamble once she had answered.

"I think… we're going to be okay."


End file.
